


I'll Keep Chasing You

by A_Tsundere_In_A_Sweater



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-12-18 05:46:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18243584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Tsundere_In_A_Sweater/pseuds/A_Tsundere_In_A_Sweater
Summary: He would keep searching, no matter how long it took.He would never give up. Not on them.He was given this chance to correct his mistakes. To bring them together again.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> If you yell, please don't yell at me. This was not my idea originally, it was thrust upon me. 
> 
> (And now I'm suffering.)

“Hey,” he says softly, “Talk to me.”

“Saaz-” comes the weak voice, “Count Saazbaum.” 

Everything grinds to a halt with only two words. It has been years - no,  _ lifetimes  _ \- since anyone has called him that, and his head spins with the implications. 

“You...impossible,” he mutters, trying to read the emotion overflowing in Dr. Troyard’s eyes. “It can’t-”

“What’s happening?” Cruhteo asks, jerking Saazbaum back to the moment. 

“I need to talk to him,” Saazbaum explains, “Privately,” he adds when Cruhteo stays standing behind him. 

“What do you mean  _ privately _ ? What’s going on?” 

“Cruhteo, we’ll talk later. Leave us for a moment.” 

“I don’t understand. Why do I have to leave?”

The question is harmless, posed out of concern and confusion, not a desire to challenge, but there are more pressing matters for Saazbaum to attend to.  He needs to  _ know _ . Needs to understand what’s going on. Spending time arguing only fuels his desperation. 

“Because I said so!” 

Cruhteo stares at him, stunned into silence. It is rare for Saazbaum to raise his voice - rarer still for him to direct it at either of them. Saazbaum’s gaze hardens when Troyard flinches at his side. 

“Fine,” he grits out, “I’ll leave.”

He storms away without a sound, and the look in his eyes tells Saazbaum that he hasn’t heard the end of this. 

When it’s quiet again, Saazbaum turns his attention back to the man in front of him. 

“How much do you remember?” he asks, unsure if he wants to know the answer. He knows that it’s foolish of him to hope, and yet-

“Everything.”


	2. Canon: Part One

His first impression of Cruhteo isn’t positive. The boy looks stuck up, detached, boring, fragile - all things that Saazbaum considers himself not to be. The blond regards him cooly, ice blue eyes appraising him while revealing not even the slightest hint of interest.

Then he opens his mouth, and Saazbaum is, unarguably, intrigued.

They spend the rest of the night sitting together in a quiet corner of the ballroom where their parents can’t find them and drag them off to meet young ladies in atrocious dresses with even more atrocious personalities.

When he learns that Cruhteo is only ten, he is surprised. Although he looks delicate and small, Saazbaum notices that he carries himself with an air of sophistication not commonly found in boys his age.

As the celebration comes to an end, they part ways with the promise of meeting again hanging between them.

* * *

They do meet again, as often as their lives as nobility allow. Their parents encourage it, happy to see their sons become friends. After all, what could be better than the heirs of two of Vers’ most elite families growing close? In an unstable society where betrayal lies around every corner, a friend is an invaluable asset. Their parents watch on, hoping, waiting for them to rise and carry on their legacies.

* * *

 In the moments between lavish soirees and ostentatious balls, they cease to be titled aristocrats, and transform into friends.

Saazbaum ignores any societal expectations placed on them - he does so as often as he is able - and chooses instead to focus on the mystery that is Cruhteo.

For a boy so small and frail-looking, Cruhteo has an astonishingly swift kick of which Saazbaum’s shin is the frequent recipient. Cruhteo never apologizes, and Saazbaum never asks him to - he probably deserves it.

* * *

The years pass, and suddenly Saazbaum finds himself with more responsibility and less time to spend with his best friend.

That’s what they’ve become now - best friends. The exact words remain unsaid, but Saazbaum knows.

He sees it in the soft smile that Cruhteo gives him when they reunite after months apart. In the tension that eases out of his shoulders when it’s just the two of them alone as Cruhteo tells him about everything Saazbaum missed while he was away.

He hears it in the blond’s characteristically cold voice that warms as he chides Saazbaum for something he has said. In the snide remarks that lack any true bite. In the laugh that he can occasionally coax out.

He knows, even when he’s called away again on a mission with his father, that this will never change.

* * *

Five years later, and their parents are getting insistent, although Saazbaum finds that his are definitely worse. At each gala he is surrounded by ladies on either side, each vying for a dance,  and - as he learns the hard way - perhaps something more.

On this occasion, his parents have decided to host a social at their mansion. Before the guests arrive, they sit him down and regale him with a list of all of the young ladies who will be in attendance, along with their titles and lands. He sighs, promising to speak to each of them - a few of them privately - in order to appease them.

That night, as he moves to a more private drawing room with a woman his parents seem to favor, Saazbaum feels Cruhteo’s gaze resting on him as they walk out of view.

When the night has come to a close, Cruhteo finds him in his study, hunched over his desk.

“You look awful,” Cruhteo observes, stepping closer.

Saazbaum chuckles weakly, looking at his friend.

“As kind as ever,” he shoots back and runs a hand through his hair.

The blond says nothing as he settles onto the couch. Saazbaum sighs, and goes to join him.

“I hope you had more fun than I did,” he groans, leaning back into the velvet.

“I’d say you enjoyed yourself plenty,” Cruhteo quips, and the cold, insinuating edge in his voice throws Saazbaum off.

“I can assure you, I did no such thing,” he defends, shifting to face the blond.

“It’s hard to make a strong case for yourself when you still reek of that girl’s perfume.” Cruhteo’s eyes show none of the fondness that he has grown accustomed to.

“That’s no fault of mine. She practically threw herself at me,” he watches as Cruhteo raises a fine eyebrow, “and I politely refused,” he explains. “Besides, if you had come within three feet of her, you’d smell of her perfume as well. I think it’s safe to say she wore the entire bottle.”

At this, Cruhteo’s lips twitch slightly, and Saazbaum breathes a sigh of relief. They were rarely at odds with each other, and he was curious as to what had prompted the sudden accusation.

“If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were jealous,” Saazbaum teases, hoping to coax whatever was wrong out of the blond. He sees Cruhteo’s leg shift slightly, and he quickly pulls his own out of the way. After seven years, he has developed a sixth sense for Cruhteo’s incoming kicks. When Cruhteo relaxes, Saazbaum continues. “If you’d like, I can always introduce you to her,” he offers.

Cruhteo looks at him - truly looks at him - then, his gaze scrutinizing.

“I’m not jealous of you,” he mutters, sitting up straighter. He looks prideful, as if he is affronted by the mere suggestion.

“Then why did you seem so upset?” Saazbaum counters, now confused.

Cruhteo clicks his tongue.

“I’m not jealous of you,” he repeats slowly, like Saazbaum is a child who has difficulty understanding the simplest of concepts. He leans forward, towards Saazbaum. “I’m jealous of her,” he says lowly.

Before Saazbaum can ask for an explanation, Cruhteo’s lips are pressing firmly against his and a cool hand is resting on his shoulder.

A second of hesitation, of surprise, is all that passes before Saazbaum is kissing him back like he had been waiting for this to happen - and maybe he had. He brings a hand up to cup Cruhteo’s cheek, tilting his head slightly to fix the odd angle.

In the midst of all of the thoughts and questions swirling around in his head, Saazbaum thinks that this feels a thousand times more natural than the stilted conversations with the girls earlier that night.

As they break apart, he feels the warm flush spread across Cruhteo’s face under his hand, and he’s sure that Cruhteo’s hand that has slipped down over Saazbaum’s heart can feel it beating rapidly.

Looking down at Cruhteo’s wide eyes and flushed face, Saazbaum is reminded of just how young the boy is. Of course, if he were to mention this, he is certain that an eye roll and accompanying huff of indignation would greet him. Being treated like a child had always grated on Cruhteo’s nerves, and if he had been willing to kiss Saazbaum in the first place, he likely felt that the age gap wasn’t an issue.

There was also the risk of being discovered if the two of them decided to pursue a romantic relationship. He could only assume that that was where Cruhteo wanted all of this to lead. Was it something that Saazbaum himself wanted? Prior to that night, it had never crossed his mind, but when faced with the possibility - and the opportunity - he concludes that it’s something that simply makes sense.

Seven years had passed since they had first met, and each moment spent together had only served to bring them closer to one another. Maybe he’d never thought of it being anything more than a friendship before, but there was a large part of him that could no longer picture it being anything less than a relationship.

As if his inner turmoil is clearly visible, Cruhteo speaks.

“You’re thinking too much,” he chides softly, although Saazbaum is unable to miss the uncertainty flickering in his eyes.

“I just…” he trails off, brushing his thumb across the blond’s cheek.

“Do you want this?” Cruhteo asks him, giving him a chance to explain.

“Yes.”

The answer is quick enough to surprise the both of them. There is no doubt in his voice, and there is none in his heart. He wants this - whatever this is - with Cruhteo.

There must have been something in his eyes, some unspoken question that he hadn’t even realized he was asking, because Cruhteo’s next words are a reassurance he hadn’t known he needed.

“I’m okay,” he says, and Saazbaum hears more than just two words. He hears what Cruhteo isn’t saying. What he doesn’t have to.

“Okay,” he replies, and it’s barely a whisper, but it fills the room.

* * *

 As they explore their newly started relationship, Saazbaum is surprised to find that there are very few major changes in how they spend their time together. He supposes the only differences are that now Cruhteo conveniently finds himself in Saazbaum’s lap during afternoon tea, and Saazbaum is allowed to kiss away the occasional frowns from his lover’s face. Aside from these deviations to their normal schedules, life continues as it always had for the both of them.

Although, perhaps Saazbaum feels the absence of the blond from his side just that much more whenever he’s pulled away on some mission.

* * *

When they finally become Counts, no one is shocked. With families and personal achievements like theirs, it would be foolish not to appoint them. Saazbaum is happy to serve Vers in any capacity he is able, and it is easy to see that Cruhteo feels the same. He has no qualms about devoting his time and efforts to the betterment of his country.

On days when they’re both free, or nights after a long day of meetings and duties, he devotes his time and efforts to Cruhteo.

* * *

Gilzeria’s assumption of the throne, along with Vers’ ever-worsening relations with the Terrans leave the two of them with barely a moment to spend together. They meet when they can - twice a month, three or four times if they’re lucky. Their duties keep them stationed in different areas, too far away to meet often and too tired at the end of the day to maintain regular contact.

On top of this, Cruhteo’s parents have begun pushing him towards marriage with more fervor than before. Saazbaum’s parents follow suit.

* * *

 In the end, they sit down and talk and come to a decision. It’s borne out of necessity, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“It would be wisest if we put this behind us.”

Even as Saazbaum says these words, his heart is screaming that there must be another way.

There isn’t.

He’s spent weeks thinking the situation over from all angles - has thought of every possible option and its respective outcome, and is left with this.

Cruhteo - for as much as Saazbaum wishes he won’t, but knows that he should - agrees.

It’s a clean break. There are no tears, no hard feelings, no ill intentions.

Their position in Vers’ society has dictated their future, and they are both too smart to try and change it.

With the inter-planetary situation deteriorating faster than ever before, there is more than enough work to be done. Saazbaum hopes that it will distract him.

It doesn’t. Not entirely.

* * *

 Within a year, Saazbaum is standing beside Cruhteo, watching as he exchanges vows with the woman who will soon be his wife. She’s kind and beautiful and while he knows that Cruhteo will never come to love her - an admission made in confidence to Saazbaum a few weeks prior - he’s glad that Cruhteo has found someone, even if isn’t him.

At the reception, he is asked to say a few words, and they flow from him truthfully. He recounts some of his fondest memories of the two of them - it’s not difficult when every moment spent with Cruhteo is one that he never wants to forget. He speaks of Cruhteo’s honor, his loyalty, his bright mind and his determination - highlights all the qualities that made him fall in love. Surely these are the same qualities that she will fall for as well.

Through it all, he has a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes.

Through it all, there’s a tightness in his chest that he hadn’t been expecting.

It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much.

* * *

 A few months after the wedding, Saazbaum is on one knee, proposing to Orlane. There’s no heartfelt declaration of love from either of them - and none is expected. They’re friends - have been for years now. Orlane was an obvious choice, once he sat down and thought about it. She was driven, kind, snarky, fun. Together, they make a pair that keeps his parents happy. His title as a Count leads her family to push her to accept the proposal.

If he has to choose a woman to spend the rest of his life with, he’s glad that it can be her.

* * *

 The mission is supposed to be simple. Go to Earth as an advance guard, observe the Terran military capabilities, and return home.

Destroying the incompetent Terran forces takes little effort, allowing them to return earlier than planned.

Suddenly, his monitor screens are flashing red, obscuring his view of Orlane and filling his vision with emergency warnings. Then comes the impact, jarring enough to throw him forward in his seat.

He looks up in time to see the moon shatter, fine china pieces scattering across the night sky.

Once he is off the ground, he sees that Orlane is not with him.

There is nothing that he can do to save her now.

In the next moment, the island explodes.

After that, there is only darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahah oops it's been a minute, but it's summer now, so updates should be more frequent??


End file.
